Arlington

I hate hate hate hate HATE the intersection of Arlington and Greenville. Most of you have no idea what I'm talking about but I just wanted to make my feelings known.

Another note: David Duchovny is apparently in rehab for sex addiction. If Tea can't handle him then she should give him to me.

And the most important news of all: it rained today. Now many of you are probably saying "so what? it rained!" BUT what you do NOT know is that whenever it rains, Greenville floods and so does the parking lot where I park my car everyday. Today, I walked through THREE inches of water to get to my car. I might as well not have had an umbrella because I was just as wet as the people who didn't have umbrellas. All the streets were flooded and I had to drive in the deepest water I've ever driven in, which, being from Charlotte I've never driven in very deep water because Charlotte, thank god, doesn't flood. But Greenville does. Oh when it rains, it pours.

I take it back...

I did get a football ticket for the September 6th game against West Virginia. APPARENTLY the stupid ECU website is not very user-friendly and uses incorrect jargon that makes grad students feel stupid and makes them think there are no football tickets. But we got tickets! GO PIRATES!!!

Oh god, did I just say that?!

UNC vs. ECU Part II

Some things I found out today about ECU that I do NOT like:

1. You have to PAY $40/semester to take part in group fitness. That's just plain ridiculous.
2. Football games and basketball games are NOT free for students. AND to make matters worse they're already sold out of student tickets for this year's football season. WHAT THE HELL??!!!

Other differences that don't piss me off like that:

3. Yesterday I forgot to mention that the bus drivers are students. And some of them drive the buses like maniacs as I found out today. Also, they don't keep track of how many people get on the bus at each stop.

4. At UNC EVERYONE had an iPod or cell phone glued to their ear at all times outside of class. Here people actually TALK face-to-face with one another whilst walking about campus. Imagine that. Talking.

5. Also, there aren't very many obviously annoying sorority girls flitting about unconsciously. I don't think that ECU is very Greek and I've only see three sorority houses and no frat houses (though I'm sure there are some).

Something that I'm grateful for: none of the people in my grad program are sorority people. We actually spent an hour plus the other day ranting about how we hate sorority girls and how stupid they are (with the occasional exception). Anyway, that's all that I noticed today. I'll keep it updated on these types of differences and whatnot.

Oh, and my forensics class is taught by an SBI investigator who internationally certifies people for the CSI Board. And he's got the most country accent I've ever heard.

UNC vs. ECU

Well, I had my first day of class and that went well but what I'm going to focus on today are some differences between my alma mater (UNC) and my new school (ECU).

1. The buses are WAAAAY nicer. I mean, seriously. They are niiiice

2. Even though the buses are nice, the bus stops aren't clearly marked unless they have one of those glass houses where you can wait in the rain

3. Unfortunately, ECU's campus is NOT smoke-free. *COUGH*

4. The pool is AMAZING. It's humongous, has a water volleyball "court" and a jacuzzi type thea PLUS a really nice outdoor pool.

5. I have yet to hear one obviously gay guy on campus. Which I'm thankful for because it means I don't have to hear that Johnny gave it to Gary last night.

6. UNC is UNC and ECU is ECU.

That's all I got right now.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

As I return from a couple of days at the beach trying to forget about all the upcoming stress and business and exhaustion in my life I began to think about how everything is changing. Now, change is not always a bad thing, especially when you are prepared for it and ready for new changes. If you can handle the change then it usually means that you are maturing and growing up. New changes for me include:

new residence: I have left my home of four years (Chapel Hill) to move 100 miles away to Greenville. While Greenville is nice it doesn't have the same comfort, people, places, and feel that Chapel Hill.

new school: I actually have yet to step foot on ECU's campus which leads me to believe that I am not nearly as excited about grad school here as I was about starting undergrad at UNC.

new people: I've met some people in my program and they seem really nice. We have, at least, one Puerto Rican and one Japanese guy that I'll be spending some time with. It'll be nice to have a chance to practice my Spanish and to learn about new cultures. But the fact that I have NO ONE here that knows me personally, that I can automatically connect to scares me. There has always been at least one person that I have known from before and now there is no one. I'm worried that I'll reveal too much about myself too soon or appear snobbish because of how uncharacteristically scared I am of everything right now. I know I sound like a coward; resisting change, trying not to grow up, but the thing is the four years at UNC/Chapel Hill were some of the best of my entire life. I had a great time in college, I did so many new things and had so many opportunities that I wouldn't have had elsewhere and I met some of the bestest friends I could ever ask for. Plus the fact that this past summer was the best summer I can remember ever (even if there was no week-long beach trip involved) adds to my growing concern about being happy here. Even though I don't have to worry about living alone or living with my parents this set-up that I have here is extremely foreign. I don't feel like this is my home. Technically it's not since Jenn actually owns the house, but I really feel like a guest here. I don't know where anything is, I HATED asking for room in the pantry for food and I have no idea how to work the TV! Adding that to the fact that I have to google map everything in Greenville before I can leave the house just makes me feel incompetant, stupid, lost, and utterly alone.

As scared as I am right I actually don't feel sick; I just feel worried. I'm glad that tomorrow I'm experimenting with the bus with someone and Tuesday I'm exploring campus with someone. Even if we're not friends yet, it's a step and it's a positive step. Even with all this running through my head, I'm still excited about classes and meeting my professors but I'm still INCREDIBLY nervous about my TWO interviews tomorrow.

I remember back when I was a pre-teen how I couldn't wait to grow up. Now I wish it would just slow down; the last four years flew by and I'm anxious to feel how these next two will go. As for now, I don't think it's really hit me yet all the stuff that's going on right now. For now, I do have someone close by, though not for much longer, and hopefully by the time he leaves I'll have a new someone to be close to and to talk to.

I guess now would be a good time to go to bed. Or not.

Leaving

The countdown to my departure has begun. I have a little over two days left in Chapel Hill and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I don't feel quite so lost and failure-like anymore now that I've got some interviews for jobs next week and I've been emailing with some people who are in my program and they all sound like a great group of kids. I'm trying not to think about the hard parts and trying to concentrate on the exciting and new parts but for some reason I'm looking forward to something after Grad School that I don't know will even happen. There are so many things that I've gotten lucky in: friends, boyfriend, place to live, etc. But I feel like there's always someone watching me, waiting for me to get to a wonderful point of happiness and then snatch everything away. Is it bad I'm going to grad school and I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life?

New Places, New City, New Life

Yesterday I got to Greenville and began to organize things. Bug got here and I had a MAJOR meltdown. I'm really scared about living away from everything and everyone I've known for the last four years. I'm also scared about more responsibility, harder classes, and trying to find a job after graduation. Also, since I'm not really sure what I want to do with my life where I'm going and what I'm going is unclear and I hate not knowing the direction I should be taking.

It seems like everything's changing. Friends are moving away, people are starting new chapters in their lives, even my parents are almost completely used to my being gone most of the time.

On another note, my room is looking pretty good. All the furniture is where it should be and the clothes, books, desk stuff, closets, and bathroom are all cleaned and organized. The only things left are the things in Sarah's apartment (which I don't think is very much) and it should be easy to put away once I move here for good. *sigh* Is anyone ready to grow up?

Bug

So this entry is about Bug. For those of you that don't know who (or what) Bug is I will tell you. He's Snooky, Booky, Booka, and Howie. And they are all my boyfriend. Yup, that's right, Bug is my boyfriend. And he is silly, too. He has a big butt that he SAYS is from cycling but he's had it since long before he started cycling. I think that it's from all the bourbon he drinks and all the desserts Sarah makes. But whatever. I let him believe what he wants to.

Something else you should know about Bug: he can be REALLY smelly. Like after he comes back from cycling he is dripping in sweat and smells like a gym. But after he shaves and takes a shower I like to lay on his chest and smell is neck.

Something else about Booka: he's going into the Navy and he's going to be the smartest little Bug in the Navy EVER! Sometimes he doesn't believe in himself and doesn't think he can do things, but I know he can. But sometimes he doesn't listen to me. Sometimes he can be annoying and overly clingy but he wouldn't be Bug if he wasn't being Bug.

There's not another Bug that I would ever want to be with. He's smart, he makes me fall on the floor laughing, and he knows how to make me feel better when I'm sad. He's always there for me and he puts me before he thinks about himself. I love him SOOO much and I hope that the future will keep us together.

Love you, Bug!

Money, Responsibilities, and other Worries

So today, as I have many days, I went to work. And like last night, like many nights as of late, I did not sleep well. However, this had nothing to do with frisky kitties or not-firm-enough mattresses (sorry, Sarah). It had to with another dilemma: money. Last night I decided to attempt to balance my checkbook. This was made difficult by some stupid N&0 thing that wasn't refunded on the recent statement and by a check given to a certain somebody (Howie) that hasn't been deposited. Plus I always forget to write down my Way-2-Sav transfers. Barring all this I did however not screw up anything. Until I looked at the final result and compared it to what the bank thought I had. Apparently, the bank thinks I have $17.56 less than what I think I have. So last night I added, subtracted, and added and subtracted again. But to no avail, I could not find a $17.56 discrepancy. Damn the bank! Damn the checkbook! I went to bed feeling angry and frustrated at not being able to find a simple math error. Blah! So like any good economist I decided to go to the bank today and have them find the error and remedy it. BUT I forgot that we had a work Brixx dinner and so I was not about to pass up the free food opportunity to go to bank. I'll go tomorrow.


I have decided what I'm going to go with my life (sort of). I can't remember if I posted this in yesterday's post but I'm going to do it again. After I get my MA in Anthropology I'm going to move back to the Chapel Hill/Durham area (apparently there ARE some areas of Durham that are safe! Ha HA!). Whilst Howie is getting his whatever certification I'm going to work. After he gets his LPN certification then I will go back to school at UNC to get my MSW. Then, by the time I'm finished with that, Howie will be an RN and then we will both be working and then hopefully after a few years we will be able to buy a nice house somewhere (not Chapel Hill...too expensive PLUS too dangerous equals not a good place for me). So that is my life...up until maybe 28 or 29. Which is where some people are at right now. Scary that in just a few years I could be responsible for someone else or even *GASP* have a mini-Lara somewhere crawling about.





HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Fooled you, didn't I? Can anyone see me as a mother in the near-future? Yeah, didn't think so.

Peer Pressure

So after much poking and proding to start, yet another, blog, I have begun this one. The title comes from what Bug calls me and seeing as to how I'm the only Knot I must be the Queen of them ergo "queenoftheknots." And so the blog writing begins. Right now I'm at a crossroads: eager to begin the next chapter of my life, but not so eager to move away from the place that taught me so much. In just a few short weeks I'll be moving away from my "home" of four years to new and dangerous territory: the graduate school. Not really at all excited about it especially since I've just discovered that I was meant to do something completely different in life...maybe.

You see, I'm very temperamental when it comes to deciding what it is I want to spend the rest of my life doing. I began as Bio major. After 1.5 years of misery I switched to Anthropology. Now I'm off to ECU to work on my MA in Anthropology and then....? Yes, the question all new college grads ask themselves "what next?" Except usually they're not so calm in asking. It's usually in the tone and phrase of "What in the WORLD am I going to DO with my life??!!! How am I going to SURVIVE on my own?!" followed by several freakouts and meltdowns. For all you pre-grads and several year post-grads who have even some sort of INKLING about what you want to do I congratulate on being in a part of your life, if not for just a moment, where you have some sort of direction to go in.

Of course all this ranting and raving could be from the delusional nightmares I've been having and hearing all these voices inside my head telling me different things. I'm pretty sure I need to see a therapist; I'd probably get diagnosed with multiple personality syndrome or some sort of likeness.

Anyway, there's so much to do tomorrow and not enough hours in the day to get a goodnight's sleep so I must say adieu.

And as for peer pressure: it's not quite so bad as self-made pressure so don't sweat the small stuff.