Ranting

People are annoying. And I mean, seriously annoying. You can't trust them to do anything right or think about anyone other than themselves. And I realize not *all* people are like this. There are a few rare occasions where people will surprise me. But usually not. Though I always seem to have shitty luck with people. I always get stuck behind the 98 year old man who's got hair growing out of his ears in the grocery line, or the person who's going 25 in a 45 zone and the other lane is full of cars whizzing by. But usually it's just that people who are close to me *ahem* who I THOUGHT were close to me end up disappointing me. And I know I shouldn't be so stupid as to completely place my feelings or happiness in someone else's hands but when you've known someone and been, one would say, best friends with them for five years, you would think you would be safe. Wrong. Hmm, maybe I'll turn into one of those people who always has a guard up and never lets anyone in? I'm already cynical about most social institutions people happily become members of...why not put it to good use?

There. I'm finished.

Camp

Camp starts on Monday...so hopefully there should be some funny stories to come...

Forgive the wait in between posts, I know everyone waits all the time with bated breath.

Hmph

Thoughts right now:

-departmental feuds are f***king annoying
-the rant yesterday about procreating was not intended for two people (and you know who you are)
-i don't like being forcibly placed in awkward situations
-i'm sad that sarah just informed me that next season is SPN's last...what will happen?
-excited that there are two episodes of Bones this week
-my eye is itchy

Highway to Hell

So I got a new AC/DC CD (some live versions of their songs) and I discovered that the whole 54 miles down East 264 driving back to Greenville from Charlotte I had the song Highway to Hell on repeat. I know I never complained about Chapel Hill when I came home to Charlotte but I know that every time I visit Charlotte I complain to my parents about how much Greenville sucks. My parents don't understand this, they say: "It didn't seem so bad when we were up there." But it does suck. The only people that don't think it sucks are the people who were born and raised here and they don't know any better. I am already counting down the days until I leave. My colleagues here agree. Colleagues, haha. That's funny. I am old enough to have a colleague. Good lord, apparently I'm old enough to have children as several of my friends who are my age (22) tell me they're gestating. Now, I have nothing against procreation but...well, I won't go into that rant, but you people who have heard it...you know.

Anyway, I have decided that Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Supernatural are my two favorite shows (Bones is obviously in there, which is why I do not mention it). But T:TSCC is pretty cool. The season finale was definitely awesome and I can't wait until September when it comes back on. Supernatural is just...really cool. I've always been interested in supernatural phenomenon, hence my obsession with X Files.

Oh, I finished ("finished") my thesis proposal. I'm 100% my adviser won't like it, but I like what i've put in there and I'm satisfied with the information presented. Also, I have been very organized. And I am proud of myself. So there.

Chi-Kaa-Go

So I'm back from Chicago and while I greatly appreciate and enjoy the warm weather I can't help thinking how much I truly hate and despise Greenville. ECU is okaaay, but Greenville really does suck. It was nice to have three days to not have to talk about MY thesis and to just enjoy other people's research. Maybe next year that'll be me. It was rather cold up in Chicago, but it wasn't any colder than some of our January and February days. Of course since it is April...it was cold. And windy. It's true what they say about Chicago being the Windy City. The hotel we stayed in was really nice but seemed to have a problem with the heating. Actually, all of Chicago's buildings had problems with heating. I think that if a Southerner thinks it's too hot then it probably is too hot. But anyway, Chicago is HUMONGOUS. The skyscrapers just went on and on and on. I thought Charlotte's downtown was big and nice but there's really only about one row of skyscrapers...Chicago had about a mile of skyscrapers. We ended up spending one day doing touristy stuff which was fun but it seemed like the boys didn't really appreciate all my creative ideas for taking touristy pictures (see FB pics). It was a great time and it's kind of sad that this has really only been the only blog-worthy thing that has happened to me in awhile. Mostly my thoughts are:

wake up
i'm tired/need coffee
office/more coffee
pretend to list through class/think about coffee
work work work work
thesis thesis thesis thesis
harley go sit down
thesis thesis thesis
crap they make you do for class for some reason
thesis thesis thesis
hungry
coffee
coffee
bed?
thesis thesis
worry about money
how many days are left?

WARNING WARNING Danger Grad Student, Danger!

So you know how every now and then I have to be reminded that I am stupid and my work is mediocre? Well today, I was reminded again (just when I was getting to be in a good mood)! AAAAND I pretty much had to completely rewrite two sections of my thesis proposal that I had turned in. Now I'm worried about the section I'm writing now and very paranoid about it. Here is a conversation I had with KK today (who has been through this program that I am doing right now, but apparently, I think, she was smarter then than I am now unless she's holding out on me...)

KK: Grad school's about learning to research and write like an academic. It takes some time and trial and error. I'm glad M is helping you with that. D just let me sink or swim on my own.

LF: Yeah, i guess i would rather want help swimming. They should tell you that grad school is going to make you feel like an idiot 98% of the time, though...at least then i would have felt prepared for the feelings of worthlessness, stupidity and mediocrity that come along with writing a thesis proposal

KK: Oh, did I not tell you that? Yeah, grad school is about teaching you that all you've learned is pointless and you need to re-learn it.

So to all you kids out there thinking about going to grad school....be forewarned, you WILL feel like an idiot most, if not all, of the time. Those of us in grad school can attest to this.

And that is my friendly piece of advice for today.

vampires

I realize it has been a long time since I posted and I don't really have much to update, except that I'm very busy, but I wanted to post this link to a REALLY interesting article that I think everyone should read!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29681670/

Thesis, Spaying, and other Fun Furry Things

So yesterday Harley Barley got her female parts cut out. And boy was she NOT happy with me. She was so pitiful and pathetic I had to call my dad to get him to tell me I was doing a good job and to make me feel better. I felt twinges of motherly instincts so perhaps hope is not all lost. But she is feeling much better and is walking and jumping around (even though she's not supposed to). Right now she's dozing on my bed and waking up everytime UNC scores a basket and the crowd gets loud.

But yes, my thesis. I have changed it, once again. First let me preface this by telling you that the department chair told me I was a good writer. I might have been told this once before so I am very happy to have been told this. I never thought of myself as a good writer, decent yes, good no. But I changed my topic. I'm going to look at trepanation in South America and Europe and compare methods, instruments, reasons, and survivial rates to modern day statistics. So yeah, should be fun researching about ancient brain surgery! Oh, what I would give to be able to cut into someone's brain. I've always wanted a neurosurgeon to mess around with my language center, see if we can activate some foreign languages there :) But anyway, that's what I'm doing.

I should be writing my CV and studying for my two quizzes tomorrow, but I'm watching the UNC game. There's only two more minutes anyway...

Harley Barley Bing Bang

So today I did almost nothing. And by "almost" I mean that I actually did read my four chapters for my physical anthropology class. And I vacuumed, emptied the dishwasher, did laundry, and cleaned my bathroom. So, in actuality, I did a lot. But for most of the day I watched Top Chef reruns (and Sarah I missed you on this one :( ) and Harley and I snuggled underneath the blanket and napped/watched TC. Harley actually loves watching TV. She especially likes car chases and gun fights. Perhaps it's because of the sound. She does not, however, like the Oxy-Clean man. When that commercial came on she put her paw over her face and moaned. I thought that was funny. She's getting a lot better about things, even though she still is a puppy. Definitely a puppy. Right now she's tugging on her rope and looking at me. Sometimes she has crazy eyes, like when she's lying on her back and looking up. But the poor thing still has the tumor on her ear and is getting spayed on Monday, poor thing. She loves wrestling with Maggie but won't be able to for weeks! On the other hand, she's going home with me to Charlotte for V-day weekend and guess what! Mother doesn't know about her! So that will be another blog post for later. ...We'll see how it goes...

Grown Ups and Responsibilities

I was talking to my dad earlier this week naming all the things I had to do before I went back to Greenville: get the car inspected, wash the car, buy a shower curtain, organize my coupons, make a list of things to do in Greenville before classes start, etc. I remember when, not too long ago, my list included fun things, not "responsible" things, like RSVPing for birthday parties where invitation came in the mail instead of on facebook, and decorating for birthday parties, and dressing up (for real) to go trick or treating, and being mad at my parents for giving me a bedtime (now it seems that no matter what time I say I'm going to bed it always ends up being several hours past that). When I was little I used to want to grow up, I couldn't wait to have all the independence and freedom that I do now. And my mother would warn me "When you get older and have all these things that you want, you'll also have more responsibility...and then it won't be fun anymore." and she's right. I hate worrying about money, paying bills on time, making sure things on my car haven't expired. I hate having to have three jobs just so I can go to school and pay rent. I hate worrying about what I'm going to do a year and a half from now and if I'll have to move (most definitely, I hate G-vegas) and where I"ll live and if it's a safe part of town, should I install a security system? What about space for a husband or children, what about storage? Furniture? Proximity to my job, proximity to family, proximity to the beach, airport, mall, grocery store? Gas prices, oil prices, buying new tires, car inspections? And these DAMNED allergies!!!Everything I breate in my body has now decided that it's a horrible foreign body and it must attack it sending me into ten minutes fits of sneezing, watery eyes, and sniffles that last for daaaaays even though I have been taking TWO allergy medicines. Bah.

So to conclude that paragraph I have decided that it is not fun, right now, to be a grown-up. I think I would be perfectly happy marrying a very rich man and I could just work if I wanted, or travel whenever, and have no worries about jobs or anything. And I would maybe take the kids. Maybe.

So onto issue #2. Sarah was talking about this in one of her posts earlier and I think it does deserve some attention. I was reading one of those information magazines (like Newsweek or the Times or something like that) and it said that women who have been college-educated are getting married nearly ten years later than our parents' generation did (and previously). I'd like to know where these women are because about twenty of the girls I went to elementary school with and other women my age are getting married...some are celebrating one and two year anniversaries. And many of these girls are not pursuing careers and interests they had in college. It's like we're stuck back in the 19th and early 20th century where women were just baby machines and company for men. Perhaps I am missing something. Perhaps I am just not as loveable or compassionate as these other people. Maybe I'm picky. Maybe I know what I want and won't settle for less. Or perhaps I really do want all that mushy marriage stuff and am writing this because I'm angry and jealous I don't have it. Perhaps. One woman, who did get married early but has pursued her interests (and an advanced degree) is now pregnant. I actually never thought she would be and it kind of bumped me down a little. I mean, am I truly missing something? Should I want these things right now? I look around and see undisciplined children running about while their parents chat on the cell phone or just don't know how to handle them. Maybe it's that I don't want to bring up children in that type of laissez faire environment. Maybe I'm afraid they'll turn out badly. Maybe I won't be a good mother. Many of my present and previous close friends, people that I respect, have become engaged. I wonder...