The Mistress of Rome

Can you tell yet that the books I like have a theme (hint, hint: ancient history)? Anywhoo...

The Mistress of Rome by Kate Quinn is a novel of ancient Rome during the last of the Flavian Dyansty. The current emperor, Domitian, is quickly going insane becoming increasingly paranoid and taking his insanity out on any poor woman who shares his bed. Though Domitian plays a fairly central role in this novel it is mostly a novel of the women (both fictional and real) of Imperial Rome.

I love a good villain, Sue Sylvester from Glee and Batman's Joker come to mind (though they are different types of villains); but what makes a villain is how believable their evil-ness is. It has been a long time since I have read a book where I have hated the villain so much that I want to reach through the pages and off her myself.

The book was well-researched as I remember reading about some of Domitian and Trajan's more, er, memorable qualities in Suetonius' Twelve Caesars (historical account of the first twelve emperors of Rome) and there are remarks as to certain past events of Imperial Rome, as well.

The best kind of novel is one that incorporates true characters and true events-and this is that kind of novel. The book is the first in a series on Imperial Rome.

The Hunger Games-The Trilogy

I just finished the last book in The Hunger Games trilogy. The three books, The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay, written by Suzanne Collins, are excellently written and are perfect reads for when you're sitting in the park on a sunny day or being lazy in bed on a rainy day. While the books are categorized as being "young adult" I've found that adults can read them and be satisfied, too. Collins writes simplistically and yet the ideas in the book are so complex and world-changing that it really makes you think: what are we doing to our earth and to ourselves? Are we going to learn from our mistakes? What's really scary is that the events in these books could actually happen; this could be a future for our world--and it is terrifying.

I highly recommend this trilogy; these books show a raw side of human emotion that many of us rarely face and a heroine who unwillingly decides the fate of her world.

Juliet

Last night I dreamed of Siena, and here's why:

Everyone knows Shakespeare's star-crossed lovers whose lives end in tragedy. But what people don't know is where the story came from. The novel Juliet, while fiction, incorporates truth. Most people probably don't know that Romeo and Juliet is, somewhat, based on events that happened in the middle ages; family fueds and blood spilt in old Siena (Italy). This addition of the long-ago past adds integrity to the book and a connection to the characters' past as well as introducing non-literary scholars to a different take on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

There are two plots in the book: present day and the mid 14th century. I LOVE LOVE LOVE books that alternate between past and present, especially if the authors entwines them perfectly, as Anne Fortier has done in this novel. Fortier also does not add extraordinary events that are nearly humanly impossible but instead has our heroine overcoming obstacles that modern day women can relate to (though unfortunately we are not all modern-day Juliets).

Fortier also develops characters in a smart way; her characters actually develop, instead of changing in an instant overnight. The most dramatic development in the story is of the heroine's sister and the dichotomy of the two sisters develops, as well, with each sister shedding layers and showing her true colors.

All in all, this book was excellent. I read it in two days and still want more. For anyone who loves romance, adventure, and deception surrounded by ancient truths, this book is for you. What's more is that the author uses real places in the setting; places that I intend on visiting when I go to Siena!

Read-A-Palooza 2011

A friend of mine here decided to start doing book reviews of all the books she reads-fiction and nonfiction. While copying her idea I've decided to make my own rules.

Rule 1- EVERY book I read will have a book review-even if I feel silly. These will include plot, character development, and flow of the story.

Rule 2- I will try to read at least one book bimonthly by an author I have not heard of. I'm usually pretty good about this but I sometimes get into ruts where I read ALL of the books by one author first instead of switching out authors.

Rule 3- I will read books that are outside of the fiction genre (ie-academic, nonfiction, poetry, essays). I have a TON of academic and poetry books that have not been read yet.

Rule 4-I will always always ALWAYS read the book BEFORE the movie

Rule 5- I will alternate between reading my own books and reading books from the library. Lately I've been obsessed with new arrivals and have left the library with around 10 or 12 books each visit.

I've just started Juliet by Anne Fortier so look forward for a book review coming soon!

Moving...

Since I've moved to Virginia I've had the pleasure of working for and with several families who have a child with a disability. Sometimes I wonder if their experiences are more alike or more different to my own. I have never thought that life with a sibling with Down syndrome was hard-different, but never hard. I have no idea what the "typical" siblings think or what they even understand about their brother or sister and I wonder if they'll ever have a moment where they fully understand how different their life is going to be. I think as the older sibling, whereas all the non-disabled siblings in these situations are younger, I never had an "a-ha" moment. I always knew I was responsible for him, I knew it was my job to take care of him and protect him.

One of the women I recently met who has a child with Down syndrome posted that she could not both keep her son and keep him safe (regarding age expectancy). This has been one of my greatest fears since I turned 18 and became next in line to be guardian for J should something ever happen to our parents. It was sobering and the responsibility became almost suffocating. I had just started to learn how to take care of myself, how could I take care of another human? As I get older I worry more about this. I want J to live a long, long life because I know that if he went before me I could never live through it; the pain would be too terrible. But at the same time, how could I ensure his safety and happiness if I wasn't around? Since I moved away to college I have moved progressively farther away from home and him. I am nearly terrified every couple of days that something will happen and I won't be able to make it back in time, that I will lose him before I can say goodbye. It is a little silly and I have no idea if most people would even understand it. There is a much different bond between siblings when one of them has a disability-there is a type of unconditional love that I think is rare.

As I watch these families grow and experience pain and joy I am reminded of my own family's journey with a child with a disability. I don't remember much of our early years, most of my memories are not memories I actually remember, they are memories of stories my parents told me. While these families might have more hard days than easy days, more tantrums and meltdowns than peace and quiet, and more time spent on more simple things, I hope they realize how lucky they are. Weare so lucky that weget to see the world through different eyes, yes, we might see more injustice and prejudice than most people, but we feel more love, we get more satisfaction after accomplishing milestones, and most of all, we have more hope.

Stuck

I hate facebook. It lets me know what everyone is doing, what jobs they have, wedding pictures, etc which inevitably shows me that I am stuck. I haven't finished my thesis, I haven't gotten married, I haven't gotten a job, I haven't had any sort of adventure. I don't know what happened in the past few months but I don't feel that I'm where I should be. I don't feel happy anymore, I don't laugh like I used to and I don't feel like I've accomplished what I should have. I don't even know what Trey thinks about this. Is he happy that we're moving in together? Does he care? Is he happy? Does he care if I'm happy? Am I as important to him as I once was? I feel very alone and very sad and very worthless. That's a horrible word. Worthless. But I think I am.

My Mantra

I like butterscotch flavored candy.
I'll eat anything that is orange flavored.
I constantly crave dark chocolate.
I'm a recent coffee addict.
I still watch cartoons.
Rock soothes my soul.
I love guys that play guitar.
Starry nights awaken my curiosity.
I'm learning how to deal with criticism.
I enjoy dancing in the rain.
Night thunderstorms pacify my fears.
Butterflies inspire my adventurous side.
My brother is my MIRACLE.
Sunrises invigorate me.
I'm only comfy in my pajamas.
Pizza is my comfort food.
I want to see the world.
Finesse conditioner is the ONLY conditioner that untangles my hair.
I want to paint the colors of my life.
I'm comfortable being me.
I won't settle for anything less than extraordinary.
I would walk a thousand miles to see a loved one for ten minutes.
I will die with honor and live at peace.
When I marry it will be for keeps.
And when I love, it's with all of my heart.

Ranting

People are annoying. And I mean, seriously annoying. You can't trust them to do anything right or think about anyone other than themselves. And I realize not *all* people are like this. There are a few rare occasions where people will surprise me. But usually not. Though I always seem to have shitty luck with people. I always get stuck behind the 98 year old man who's got hair growing out of his ears in the grocery line, or the person who's going 25 in a 45 zone and the other lane is full of cars whizzing by. But usually it's just that people who are close to me *ahem* who I THOUGHT were close to me end up disappointing me. And I know I shouldn't be so stupid as to completely place my feelings or happiness in someone else's hands but when you've known someone and been, one would say, best friends with them for five years, you would think you would be safe. Wrong. Hmm, maybe I'll turn into one of those people who always has a guard up and never lets anyone in? I'm already cynical about most social institutions people happily become members of...why not put it to good use?

There. I'm finished.

Camp

Camp starts on Monday...so hopefully there should be some funny stories to come...

Forgive the wait in between posts, I know everyone waits all the time with bated breath.

Hmph

Thoughts right now:

-departmental feuds are f***king annoying
-the rant yesterday about procreating was not intended for two people (and you know who you are)
-i don't like being forcibly placed in awkward situations
-i'm sad that sarah just informed me that next season is SPN's last...what will happen?
-excited that there are two episodes of Bones this week
-my eye is itchy

Highway to Hell

So I got a new AC/DC CD (some live versions of their songs) and I discovered that the whole 54 miles down East 264 driving back to Greenville from Charlotte I had the song Highway to Hell on repeat. I know I never complained about Chapel Hill when I came home to Charlotte but I know that every time I visit Charlotte I complain to my parents about how much Greenville sucks. My parents don't understand this, they say: "It didn't seem so bad when we were up there." But it does suck. The only people that don't think it sucks are the people who were born and raised here and they don't know any better. I am already counting down the days until I leave. My colleagues here agree. Colleagues, haha. That's funny. I am old enough to have a colleague. Good lord, apparently I'm old enough to have children as several of my friends who are my age (22) tell me they're gestating. Now, I have nothing against procreation but...well, I won't go into that rant, but you people who have heard it...you know.

Anyway, I have decided that Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Supernatural are my two favorite shows (Bones is obviously in there, which is why I do not mention it). But T:TSCC is pretty cool. The season finale was definitely awesome and I can't wait until September when it comes back on. Supernatural is just...really cool. I've always been interested in supernatural phenomenon, hence my obsession with X Files.

Oh, I finished ("finished") my thesis proposal. I'm 100% my adviser won't like it, but I like what i've put in there and I'm satisfied with the information presented. Also, I have been very organized. And I am proud of myself. So there.

Chi-Kaa-Go

So I'm back from Chicago and while I greatly appreciate and enjoy the warm weather I can't help thinking how much I truly hate and despise Greenville. ECU is okaaay, but Greenville really does suck. It was nice to have three days to not have to talk about MY thesis and to just enjoy other people's research. Maybe next year that'll be me. It was rather cold up in Chicago, but it wasn't any colder than some of our January and February days. Of course since it is April...it was cold. And windy. It's true what they say about Chicago being the Windy City. The hotel we stayed in was really nice but seemed to have a problem with the heating. Actually, all of Chicago's buildings had problems with heating. I think that if a Southerner thinks it's too hot then it probably is too hot. But anyway, Chicago is HUMONGOUS. The skyscrapers just went on and on and on. I thought Charlotte's downtown was big and nice but there's really only about one row of skyscrapers...Chicago had about a mile of skyscrapers. We ended up spending one day doing touristy stuff which was fun but it seemed like the boys didn't really appreciate all my creative ideas for taking touristy pictures (see FB pics). It was a great time and it's kind of sad that this has really only been the only blog-worthy thing that has happened to me in awhile. Mostly my thoughts are:

wake up
i'm tired/need coffee
office/more coffee
pretend to list through class/think about coffee
work work work work
thesis thesis thesis thesis
harley go sit down
thesis thesis thesis
crap they make you do for class for some reason
thesis thesis thesis
hungry
coffee
coffee
bed?
thesis thesis
worry about money
how many days are left?

WARNING WARNING Danger Grad Student, Danger!

So you know how every now and then I have to be reminded that I am stupid and my work is mediocre? Well today, I was reminded again (just when I was getting to be in a good mood)! AAAAND I pretty much had to completely rewrite two sections of my thesis proposal that I had turned in. Now I'm worried about the section I'm writing now and very paranoid about it. Here is a conversation I had with KK today (who has been through this program that I am doing right now, but apparently, I think, she was smarter then than I am now unless she's holding out on me...)

KK: Grad school's about learning to research and write like an academic. It takes some time and trial and error. I'm glad M is helping you with that. D just let me sink or swim on my own.

LF: Yeah, i guess i would rather want help swimming. They should tell you that grad school is going to make you feel like an idiot 98% of the time, though...at least then i would have felt prepared for the feelings of worthlessness, stupidity and mediocrity that come along with writing a thesis proposal

KK: Oh, did I not tell you that? Yeah, grad school is about teaching you that all you've learned is pointless and you need to re-learn it.

So to all you kids out there thinking about going to grad school....be forewarned, you WILL feel like an idiot most, if not all, of the time. Those of us in grad school can attest to this.

And that is my friendly piece of advice for today.

vampires

I realize it has been a long time since I posted and I don't really have much to update, except that I'm very busy, but I wanted to post this link to a REALLY interesting article that I think everyone should read!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29681670/

Thesis, Spaying, and other Fun Furry Things

So yesterday Harley Barley got her female parts cut out. And boy was she NOT happy with me. She was so pitiful and pathetic I had to call my dad to get him to tell me I was doing a good job and to make me feel better. I felt twinges of motherly instincts so perhaps hope is not all lost. But she is feeling much better and is walking and jumping around (even though she's not supposed to). Right now she's dozing on my bed and waking up everytime UNC scores a basket and the crowd gets loud.

But yes, my thesis. I have changed it, once again. First let me preface this by telling you that the department chair told me I was a good writer. I might have been told this once before so I am very happy to have been told this. I never thought of myself as a good writer, decent yes, good no. But I changed my topic. I'm going to look at trepanation in South America and Europe and compare methods, instruments, reasons, and survivial rates to modern day statistics. So yeah, should be fun researching about ancient brain surgery! Oh, what I would give to be able to cut into someone's brain. I've always wanted a neurosurgeon to mess around with my language center, see if we can activate some foreign languages there :) But anyway, that's what I'm doing.

I should be writing my CV and studying for my two quizzes tomorrow, but I'm watching the UNC game. There's only two more minutes anyway...

Harley Barley Bing Bang

So today I did almost nothing. And by "almost" I mean that I actually did read my four chapters for my physical anthropology class. And I vacuumed, emptied the dishwasher, did laundry, and cleaned my bathroom. So, in actuality, I did a lot. But for most of the day I watched Top Chef reruns (and Sarah I missed you on this one :( ) and Harley and I snuggled underneath the blanket and napped/watched TC. Harley actually loves watching TV. She especially likes car chases and gun fights. Perhaps it's because of the sound. She does not, however, like the Oxy-Clean man. When that commercial came on she put her paw over her face and moaned. I thought that was funny. She's getting a lot better about things, even though she still is a puppy. Definitely a puppy. Right now she's tugging on her rope and looking at me. Sometimes she has crazy eyes, like when she's lying on her back and looking up. But the poor thing still has the tumor on her ear and is getting spayed on Monday, poor thing. She loves wrestling with Maggie but won't be able to for weeks! On the other hand, she's going home with me to Charlotte for V-day weekend and guess what! Mother doesn't know about her! So that will be another blog post for later. ...We'll see how it goes...

Grown Ups and Responsibilities

I was talking to my dad earlier this week naming all the things I had to do before I went back to Greenville: get the car inspected, wash the car, buy a shower curtain, organize my coupons, make a list of things to do in Greenville before classes start, etc. I remember when, not too long ago, my list included fun things, not "responsible" things, like RSVPing for birthday parties where invitation came in the mail instead of on facebook, and decorating for birthday parties, and dressing up (for real) to go trick or treating, and being mad at my parents for giving me a bedtime (now it seems that no matter what time I say I'm going to bed it always ends up being several hours past that). When I was little I used to want to grow up, I couldn't wait to have all the independence and freedom that I do now. And my mother would warn me "When you get older and have all these things that you want, you'll also have more responsibility...and then it won't be fun anymore." and she's right. I hate worrying about money, paying bills on time, making sure things on my car haven't expired. I hate having to have three jobs just so I can go to school and pay rent. I hate worrying about what I'm going to do a year and a half from now and if I'll have to move (most definitely, I hate G-vegas) and where I"ll live and if it's a safe part of town, should I install a security system? What about space for a husband or children, what about storage? Furniture? Proximity to my job, proximity to family, proximity to the beach, airport, mall, grocery store? Gas prices, oil prices, buying new tires, car inspections? And these DAMNED allergies!!!Everything I breate in my body has now decided that it's a horrible foreign body and it must attack it sending me into ten minutes fits of sneezing, watery eyes, and sniffles that last for daaaaays even though I have been taking TWO allergy medicines. Bah.

So to conclude that paragraph I have decided that it is not fun, right now, to be a grown-up. I think I would be perfectly happy marrying a very rich man and I could just work if I wanted, or travel whenever, and have no worries about jobs or anything. And I would maybe take the kids. Maybe.

So onto issue #2. Sarah was talking about this in one of her posts earlier and I think it does deserve some attention. I was reading one of those information magazines (like Newsweek or the Times or something like that) and it said that women who have been college-educated are getting married nearly ten years later than our parents' generation did (and previously). I'd like to know where these women are because about twenty of the girls I went to elementary school with and other women my age are getting married...some are celebrating one and two year anniversaries. And many of these girls are not pursuing careers and interests they had in college. It's like we're stuck back in the 19th and early 20th century where women were just baby machines and company for men. Perhaps I am missing something. Perhaps I am just not as loveable or compassionate as these other people. Maybe I'm picky. Maybe I know what I want and won't settle for less. Or perhaps I really do want all that mushy marriage stuff and am writing this because I'm angry and jealous I don't have it. Perhaps. One woman, who did get married early but has pursued her interests (and an advanced degree) is now pregnant. I actually never thought she would be and it kind of bumped me down a little. I mean, am I truly missing something? Should I want these things right now? I look around and see undisciplined children running about while their parents chat on the cell phone or just don't know how to handle them. Maybe it's that I don't want to bring up children in that type of laissez faire environment. Maybe I'm afraid they'll turn out badly. Maybe I won't be a good mother. Many of my present and previous close friends, people that I respect, have become engaged. I wonder...

This World is Not My World

I live in a world where I work my ass off, pay my own way, am responsible and work my *ass* off. What do you think I get for it? Nothing. I get absolutely nothing. And the worst part is I can't even talk to anyone about it. The people who would even understand a little are either too stuck on themselves, are in a better situation than I am, or don't care. My mother would only say "Oh sweetie, you ARE smart!" My dad would say "That school is dumb! You're a smart girl!" My friends are...anthropologists. And my other friends are too smart. I never felt like a failure until I went to grad school which, ironically, was supposed to give me enough certification so that I would never feel like a failure. Yay me.

I might just quit. Really thinking about it, but I just might quit completely.

The End is Near!

I am quickly, yet slowly, approaching the final days of my first semester as a graduate student. I've barely had time to think about anything outside of school/class for the past few months and I'm wondering if my brain will know what to do with itself with all the free space and time it will have. I'm also fairly certain that my body won't know how to process actual food since the main staple of my diet is caffeine, in liquid form. I wonder if I'll be able to sleep through the night or if I'll constantly wake up three or four times, jump out of bed, and make sure I haven't forgotten the significance of Olduvai Gorge or if I actually did finish that article critique of postmoderism. And I also wonder if I'll remember to eat dinner before I'm in bed. It's interesting how a few months can change your outlook on your life and what you want to do with it. I'm much more critical of myself than I have been in the past, and while I've tried not to be so judgmental I still am...though a lot of goes on inside my head silently, now. I think that as anthropologists there's something inside of us that's constantly observing, analyzing, and trying to figure out how to write a critique, ethnography, case report, etc of whatever we're experiencing, watching. Just walking around the campus today I listened to four (obviously undergraduate) girls talking. I realized that my life in undergraduate was actually pretty simple and easy. I thought that it was hard, but it wasn't. Things were just...easier. It's tough growing up, having to deal with different things, leases, paying the rent/bills, paying off the credit card bills every month, and still trying to maintain some sort of social life, though at this point anyone and everyone that I would be social with here is now in the same position I am. Trying to accomplish everything while running off minimal sleep, caffeiene, and the occasional beer. I wonder if when I'm thirty, tired of what I'm doing, if I'll ever want to go back to school for something else. I don't really ever see myself working 9-5 Monday through Friday. But I realize that I can't expect myself to keep up with the pace of schoolwork for the rest of my life. Oh, the quandries of growing up.