Grown Ups and Responsibilities

I was talking to my dad earlier this week naming all the things I had to do before I went back to Greenville: get the car inspected, wash the car, buy a shower curtain, organize my coupons, make a list of things to do in Greenville before classes start, etc. I remember when, not too long ago, my list included fun things, not "responsible" things, like RSVPing for birthday parties where invitation came in the mail instead of on facebook, and decorating for birthday parties, and dressing up (for real) to go trick or treating, and being mad at my parents for giving me a bedtime (now it seems that no matter what time I say I'm going to bed it always ends up being several hours past that). When I was little I used to want to grow up, I couldn't wait to have all the independence and freedom that I do now. And my mother would warn me "When you get older and have all these things that you want, you'll also have more responsibility...and then it won't be fun anymore." and she's right. I hate worrying about money, paying bills on time, making sure things on my car haven't expired. I hate having to have three jobs just so I can go to school and pay rent. I hate worrying about what I'm going to do a year and a half from now and if I'll have to move (most definitely, I hate G-vegas) and where I"ll live and if it's a safe part of town, should I install a security system? What about space for a husband or children, what about storage? Furniture? Proximity to my job, proximity to family, proximity to the beach, airport, mall, grocery store? Gas prices, oil prices, buying new tires, car inspections? And these DAMNED allergies!!!Everything I breate in my body has now decided that it's a horrible foreign body and it must attack it sending me into ten minutes fits of sneezing, watery eyes, and sniffles that last for daaaaays even though I have been taking TWO allergy medicines. Bah.

So to conclude that paragraph I have decided that it is not fun, right now, to be a grown-up. I think I would be perfectly happy marrying a very rich man and I could just work if I wanted, or travel whenever, and have no worries about jobs or anything. And I would maybe take the kids. Maybe.

So onto issue #2. Sarah was talking about this in one of her posts earlier and I think it does deserve some attention. I was reading one of those information magazines (like Newsweek or the Times or something like that) and it said that women who have been college-educated are getting married nearly ten years later than our parents' generation did (and previously). I'd like to know where these women are because about twenty of the girls I went to elementary school with and other women my age are getting married...some are celebrating one and two year anniversaries. And many of these girls are not pursuing careers and interests they had in college. It's like we're stuck back in the 19th and early 20th century where women were just baby machines and company for men. Perhaps I am missing something. Perhaps I am just not as loveable or compassionate as these other people. Maybe I'm picky. Maybe I know what I want and won't settle for less. Or perhaps I really do want all that mushy marriage stuff and am writing this because I'm angry and jealous I don't have it. Perhaps. One woman, who did get married early but has pursued her interests (and an advanced degree) is now pregnant. I actually never thought she would be and it kind of bumped me down a little. I mean, am I truly missing something? Should I want these things right now? I look around and see undisciplined children running about while their parents chat on the cell phone or just don't know how to handle them. Maybe it's that I don't want to bring up children in that type of laissez faire environment. Maybe I'm afraid they'll turn out badly. Maybe I won't be a good mother. Many of my present and previous close friends, people that I respect, have become engaged. I wonder...